Sam is an accredited mental health social worker and a registered play therapist. She has worked with children and families for over 15 years. She uses various interventions such as cognitive behavioural therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, and psychoeducation.

She is passionate about working with children and families, utilising play interventions for well-being and increasing overall family functioning.

• Play creates a safe space for the child to explore what they need to, while being supported by someone who is trained in this area.
• There is directed play therapy (a therapist taking the lead and using activities through play to teach children skills) and non-directed play therapy (child led, where we trust the child to take the play to where it needs to go).
• Therapist role: to support the process and acknowledge what the child is going through. Also, to reflect on what the child is experiencing so they can work through their inner world, thoughts, behaviours and feelings, in a safe therapeutic environment.
• Child directed is the most effective form of play therapy.
• Play therapy is an effective alternative for children who struggle with verbalising emotions. 

• Familial play, can be more effective than play with a therapist because it leans upon the parent-child relationship. The parent-child connection is a powerful mental health intervention.
• The therapist’s role is to teach parents skills and to support parents to feel empowered in supporting their children.
• Parents may worry about not being the “perfect parent” but parents are the experts as they have the connection with the child and are the most influential person in a child’s life.
• It is important to – show up, be mindful, show empathy and reconnect when you don’t get it right. This is ‘repair’.

• Covid-19 and lockdowns have meant parents are spending a lot more time with their children. This can bring up a lot of new challenges and create guilt for not being “perfect”. Parents need to acknowledge that the situation is overwhelming. There is no support or routine, and it’s about having self-compassion for yourself.
• The additional time spent with children may also be leading to parents to identify differences or difficulties their children are having. It is important for parents to get support and to look at things their child is facing with curiosity and opportunity. Understand your child and think, “I’ve noticed this, so now I have an opportunity to access therapy which can help me better understand my child’s experience of the world so I can help them be happier”.

• Parents feel guilt and shame when they say ‘I’m bored playing with my child’ or ‘I avoid playing with my child.’
• We need to look at what we’re spending our time doing and create more space for meaningful occupation.
• Kids can’t fill us up and we need to fill ourselves up in other ways. It is healthy to take a step back and remind ourselves that ‘I don’t need to play with them all the time’. It’s quality over quantity of play.
• If parents are stressed and can’t be present, it can be healthier to focus on stress management and come back later to play. Kids are really intuitive and can sense negative feelings. Kids feed off and reflect parents’ energy and learn from their behaviours. Parents need to think about how we can be there for them, care for them and model healthy behaviours.

• It is important to make time for children. Find a way to naturally incorporate it into our daily lives and routines by reducing technology use and being completely present. For example, make mealtimes playful, use bath time for play. This makes play achievable.
• Being silly, joyful, present and letting go is what builds connection. It’s not about being picture perfect but being in the moment.

• Start with 10 minutes a day and tell the child ‘we will play whatever you want to play’.
• Be the best playmate, follow their lead and let the child make the rules. Often, this is the best way to start because it’s child directed.

• Play will vary based on a child’s developmental skills, level of regulation and verbal skills. Neurodivergent children may be more dysregulated and play will look different for them. It’s important to meet the child in whatever way they want to play. It’s about being playful and creating that bond.
• A parent’s role is to create a safe space and environment for play.

• Re-parenting is the process that we go through in adulthood to relearn how to identify and meet our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. It’s giving ourselves what we didn’t receive as a child and we all have core human needs. We may not have had this with our own parents and the more we become conscious of this, the easier we can see where this comes up in our parenting and we can give ourselves those needs. Be curious and compassionate about how we didn’t get our needs met, what we struggled with, how we can now get our needs met, and show up in the way we want to now.
• Re-parenting yourself is important because you are the one person you have control over. When we take the pressure off ourselves, we take the pressure off our child and our lens changes.

• Parenting is hard. Lots of parents are struggling especially in lockdown as children with disabilities have higher support needs. It’s more important now than ever before to prioritise self-care.
• Self-care is going deeper and looking at long term things, knowing when to ask and receive help, acknowledging where we need to set boundaries, knowing where we need to look at what we are tying to our self-worth to. This includes self-compassion and validating our emotions of feeling frustrated and angry but also being accountable to think what is this anger telling me and what do I need more of in my life.

• Reflection on yourself as parents and the family unit is important. It’s important to look at our own parenting journey, and through the grief and loss of what we thought parenting would be vs how it actually is. This creates functional goals that will be much easier to achieve.
• Perspective may shift on the priority of therapy. For example, while things like toilet training are important, we still have to consider things like are we enjoying this relationship? Is the child happy? How am I feeling as a parent?. Support from a professional helps parents through this process and creates space to explore.
• Reparenting is a commitment to yourself, family and child. It is done inside and outside the therapy room. It can help you develop insight but also requires action to make changes you want, to the way you live your life. A nice reminder is that this is an evolving situation, our children will grow and it’ll bring up different things for us, and that journey will be just that!

Sometimes both parents may not be on the same page. ‘Reparenting’ may make some parents feel like they’re in therapy and this can bring up negative feelings. We can:

• Get the parent who is engaged to focus on what they can control. If we change our behaviour, we change the environment and that can impact therapy progress.
• Get the parent who is struggling, to articulate what they feel like they’re struggling with and what their barriers are to engaging in their child’s therapy.
• Get parents to feel part of the plan and help them participate in the therapy session. When parents feel empowered, children feel empowered. 
• It’s about making a conscious decision to communicate well, whether parents are together, divorced or not on the same page.

If you enjoyed this episode, we highly recommend Episode 5: Connect & Repair and Episode 20: Connect, Respect & Flourish on our ‘The Spot Therapy Hub’ Podcast (available on Spotify, Apple Podcast and our website www.spottherapyhub.com.au). We would also love to chat to you about all things play! Contact us on spottherapyhub@gmail.com or (02) 9326 6000.